


Bound Together

by rainisfalling



Category: Death Note
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-27
Updated: 2016-02-16
Packaged: 2018-05-03 14:23:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 19,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5294543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rainisfalling/pseuds/rainisfalling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Whether he's stuck in handcuffs, a musty prison cell, or just can't get his mind to go anywhere else, Light always finds himself bound to the strange detective. In fact, he loves him. But their relationship is getting harder to hide, especially when he's trying to convince everyone that he's not Kira, and L's willingness to help is as unsteady as their complicated relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

God, he hated being handcuffed to this person.

Light looked over irritably at the boy next to him. They had to eat near each other, use the bathroom near each other… hell, even showering had to be within a few feet of each other! But where Light really drew the line… was having to share a bed with L.

Speaking of L, the boy was sitting up in his usual bent-over position, staring straight ahead. “...Ugh, will you at least lie down?” He grouched. “I can’t sleep with you towering over me like that.”

“If I don’t sleep like this, my deductive skills drop by 40%.”

The brown haired boy sighed. “Yeah, yeah. I know. But you don’t need to do so much thinking while you’re trying to sleep. It’s about clearing your head, and then you’ll think better in the morning.”

L looked down at him with those wide eyes. In that sea of black hair, it was all he could really make out of L’s face in the darkness. “...”

“What?” Light sat up.

L looked away. “It’s nothing you should concern yourself with. I’m just thinking something over.”

“Well, it seems to be worth keeping both of us up.” Light crossed one arm over his chest and rested his head in his right hand. “I deserve to know if it’s costing me too, don’t I?”

“...I suppose that makes sense.” L looked over at him. “But I think it will pay off for you later. If I tell you prematurely, it could ruin everything.”

“Ruin everything?” Light’s eyes widened a bit at that. “Is it crucial to the Kira case? Do you still suspect that I’m him?”

The black-haired boy shook his head slowly. “It's not about that.” He turned away and put his thumb to his lips, reemerging into his thoughts.

Light just watched him for what felt like far too long. He was tired, and he knew he could just back down and forget about it… but this could be something important. In fact, it had to have been, if it was capable of ‘ruining everything’. But what could possibly be more important than the Kira case? The Kira case was everything to L.

Wasn’t it?

Eventually, L looked back over at Light. “You should go to sleep so that my thinking doesn’t cost you any more than it already has.”

Light sighed. It looked like he’d have to push a bit for his answer. “...Alright, fine. If it’s not about the Kira case, I don’t give a damn what it is anyway. I can’t wait until you uncuff us and I don’t have to deal with you this much anymore.” He lied down and pulled a bit on the chain between them to get some space as he turned his back to L.

There was another moment of complete silence. It was so quiet, in fact, that the only thing Light could hear was his own heartbeat. And maybe L’s… but he was probably just imagining that.

“I didn’t mean for you to get mad at me,” L said suddenly.

“I’m not.”

“So it’s passive aggressiveness then.”

Light smirked, knowing that L couldn’t see his face. “It sounds like you’ve made up an entire set of emotions for me, worried that I was determined to know your secret. But in that case, it sounds like the person whose most worried is you.”

“Wow, I didn’t know you wanted to know so badly,” L mumbled. “I’m kind of surprised.”

Light’s smirk disappeared and he sat up again. “What did I just say?!”

“Well, you didn’t say it out loud, but you just expressed how much you want to know. I don’t understand why anything other than the Kira case is concerning you.”

Light froze. He didn’t exactly know either. “...Well… it’s probably something involving the Kira case that you’re just not telling me.”

“I told you that it would pay off for you later. I mean that someday, I’m going to tell you.” L turned toward him yet again and rested his hands on his knees. “If you were to find out later in time that it actually is about the Kira case, that would be useless to me. The only thing it would have changed is your amount of curiosity on the subject, which is in no way significant to me.”

Light got a strange sense that L was lying about that last part, but didn’t know what else to say in response.  “Why can’t you just tell me what it is now? What would happen that could possibly ruin everything?”

L picked up the chain in between them and ran his fingers over each of the loops, his head bobbing slightly with each one as if he was counting them. “Wouldn’t telling you that give away what it is?”

“God, it’s really that important…?” Light sighed again. “...Alright. Night.”

“Goodnight.” L turned his gaze back to the wall.

If the black-haired boy was going to tell him whatever this was later in time… then whatever it pertains to could be too late to fix at that point, if it’s anything against Light. He needed to find out sooner than that. Maybe tonight wasn’t the time to find out though. Maybe tomorrow night would work. Before then, Light would have to come up with some sort of a plan.

 -XXX-

He was woken up four hours later by L.

“Light.”

Light checked a digital clock on the nightstand. “...Are you kidding, Ryuzaki? It’s four in the morning. Go to bed already.” He turned over to look at the other boy, who still seemed to be staring at the wall. “Have you been awake this whole time?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Thinking.”

“Oh. About that mysterious thing again?”

L nodded once.

“Well, if you can’t tell me what it is until the ‘time is right’ or whatever, why’d you wake me up?”

“Because I want to tell you now.”

Light sat up and gave him a half-lidded expression. “And you couldn’t have just told me four hours ago.”

“No. Four hours ago, my decision-making skills weren’t at their full potential. My mind was working more clearly after you were asleep.”

“Okay, whatever. Just, tell me what this is. And don’t leave anything out since I’m losing so much sleep over this whole thing.”

“Okay.” L turned to him.

There was a loud creaking of the bed springs and a large thud before Light reopened his eyes. L was on his knees, on top of him. “...What the hell are you doing, Ryuzaki?!” He choked, having trouble breathing when L was literally on top of him.

L suddenly leaned down toward the other boy. Their lips made contact for a second, then two, then three. And when the black-haired boy pulled away, he didn’t get off of Light. He just looked down into the boy’s amber-colored eyes, waiting for the shock to set in, and the reaction to come out.

Light’s eyes were wide, and he was silent. Now he understood why he wanted to know so badly. Because in the back of his mind, he was worried it would be something like this. But in the back of his mind, he was also hoping for it too.

He knew this boy was different than him in every way, and completely delusional in some ways. But… what he’d called irritation at L before, must have been something completely different.

“No reaction?” L asked quietly. “...I’m surprised again.” More silence. “...I’m sorry I waited several hours to tell you. It occurred to me that there would never be a better time. And… I think that as time goes on, the appropriateness of this situation would only worsen. It seemed to be my only option, and-”

He was cut off as Light grabbed fistfuls of his baggy white shirt and pulled him down for a second kiss. There wasn’t much more to be said, than that.

“I’m not entirely sure that the handcuffs bother me anymore…” Light admitted in a whisper as they pulled apart. “But I still wish you’d lie down when you sleep.”

“...I-I think I can do that. This time.” L let himself tumble to the side, off of Light and into the bed space next to him.

Light threw some of the blanket over him and turned his body toward the black-haired boy. “We have a case to solve tomorrow, so I’m going to bed for real this time.” That smirk reappeared on his face. “Goodnight, Ryuzaki.”

L’s wide eyes were fixated on the ceiling now. He let them slowly close. “Goodnight, Light.”


	2. Chapter 2

When Light woke up, his mind immediately flicked on as if his eyelids were the switch. He knew that A) everything that happened last night, had actually happened, and B) there was no point in denying it. He had already started crossing these dangerous railroad tracks and trying to back up now would be just as detrimental as continuing on. Whether or not he actually regretted that kiss… well...

He could mentally argue with himself all he wanted, but it would be pointless. The answer was no, he didn't regret it one single bit.

Light looked to his left, expecting to see that the boy was already awake in his normal sitting position, but he wasn't. L was lying on his back, arms and legs sprawled out over his side of the bed. He was facing the wall away from Light, so all he could tell was that the boy’s chest was rising and falling softly.

Although he couldn't help but find it… Well, cute, L being asleep meant Light had to think. That would normally be a good thing, but only for any situation other than this. 

Thankfully, the boy woke up within the next couple of minutes. He sat up and pulled his legs up into his usual hunched-over stance. “Good morning,” he greeted, shooting Light a small grin. 

Light sat up as well, and to his surprise found that the smile was contagious. “Hey, morning,” he replied as it started to appear on his face. “I uh… We should probably discuss last night.”

L nodded. “I agree. I imagine you want this to stay a secret?”

Light nodded. “My family would be furious to find out, and considering my dad… That would set back the investigation.”

“What do you plan to do about Misa?” The black-haired boy asked. 

Light began to wonder what to say. He couldn't alter his relationship with Misa - that would be bad. L would definitely agree, but it would make sense for him to be jealous. Well… a normal person would get jealous. Light wasn’t entirely sure how much the boy conformed to social and emotional norms, considering he definitely didn’t act like he did at all.

“Nothing will change, for now.”

L nodded in understanding.

“...Is that, okay?”

L nodded again. “If we want to have this relationship, it will have to come second to solving the Kira case. If it ever comes out to two options, being to further the case or to further… this relationship, then it will have to be the case.”

“Agreed.” Light held out his hand for L to shake.

L gave him a small grin. Instead of shaking Light’s hand, he gave the boy a kiss on the cheek. “Then it’s official.”

Light couldn’t help but smile back for the second time. Then, something occurred to him. He whispered, “Wait, this room is rigged with cameras. No one would be checking them all the time, but it’s possible-”

“The cameras are there,” L pointed behind himself, “there,” he pointed to the other side of the room, and there.” He pointed to another corner. “However, the one in the last spot is poorly placed so that a lamp is often blocking a third to a half of its view, and it just so happens that we’re standing in the blind spot. As for the second one,” he turned to the one on the other side of the room, “It’s near the floor and it just so happens that that end table is in the way from this angle. And as for the first one,” he pointed to the upper corner of the room. “I’m facing away from it and I can guarantee that I very well could have just whispered into your ear. And for the microphones, I lowered their pickup last night from my computer before we went to bed, so you’d have to talk rather loudly for them to detect our voices. It could easily be passed off as faulty equipment.”

Light’s smile returned. “Well then.” He got off the bed. “With nothing else to worry about, I’m going to take a shower.” He tugged on the chain. “Don’t make it awkward, if you can help it. It’s a little bit weird now.”

L nodded and followed Light into the tiled room. “Oh, don’t worry. I’ll just sit here.” He sat down on the floor near the shower, facing the wall. He took a key from his pocket and unlocked Light’s handcuff for him to be able to shower. He wasn’t going to leave the room though, since he’d sworn to keep an eye on the boy.

“Alright, sounds good.” Light pulled off the T shirt he’d slept in and turned the shower on for the water to start warming up. He grabbed the waistband of his sweatpants before his froze. “Wait, L. You said the only reason that particular camera didn’t see you kiss me was because it could only see your back, right?”

L nodded. “Yes.”

“What about last night? Didn’t the infrared cameras catch everything?”

L nodded. “They did. But as long as there’s no reason to check the cameras from late last night, nobody will. I’m not worried, but I’ll have Watari disable the equipment in that room from the hours of ten PM to six AM, if you’d prefer that.”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Light shook his head. “If anyone was to notice that the footage was missing, it’d be even more suspicious.”

Light watched L glance over at him just then, only to quickly look away. The black-haired boy’s face was suddenly powdered with a light pink color. He smirked before continuing to undress.


	3. Chapter 3

Light stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist before turning back to L. “Okay, you can get in now.”

L turned to him and blushed slightly again. He looked away quickly, probably hoping that Light didn't notice. Light snickered. “You okay?”

“Yes, definitely,” the black-haired boy responded, putting his hands in his pockets.

“Well, you can shower now.”

The boy nodded and grabbed his shirt to pull it off. “...Don’t watch me. I don’t exactly… Have the same body as you or anything.”

Light looked down. He was fit, yeah. But he never thought of himself as a super athletic person and he couldn't help but laugh again at the flattery. His cheeks went a little red as well. “Don't be ridiculous. I’ll turn around though.”

He heard L’s shirt fall to the ground.

Ten minutes later, Light was dressed, fixing up his damp hair as L stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. He turned toward the boy to see that he’d wrapped it around himself as a blanket. That black-haired boy didn't do anything normally, did he? But maybe he was just still embarrassed. “You don't have to wear the towel like that, you know.”

L looked down. “I’m cold. What would be the point of only wrapping it around my waist?”

Light shrugged, walking toward the boy. “I don't know, but people do it. It looks a little odd if you don't.” He took the edges of the towel to lower it down on the boy, but L held onto it tightly. “You didn't care this much yesterday,” Light commented. “I'm really surprised that you care at all, to be honest.”

“We weren't in a relationship, yesterday,” L explained. “I… Suppose that's just what happens to people.” He hugged the towel to his body and looked down at the floor as a drop of water dripped from his matted-down hair. “New relationships bring out new emotions, inspiring new actions. It's actually quite stra-”

He was cut off as Light’s lips made contact with his. He took L’s face in his hands and tilted the boy’s head up so that they were eye to eye. “I guess you'll just have to get used to it then,” he smiled.

The boy just stared up at him in slight shock. He watched Light silently, waiting to see what was going to happen next.

Light grabbed the towel again. “May I?”

L gave him a nod.

He pulled it off the boy’s shoulders and lowered it down to his waist before tucking it in to prevent it from falling. Light didn’t know what the other was talking about - he looked fine. Better than fine. L didn’t have a lot of muscle, but his flawless, ivory skin had its own appeal. “You look great,” he breathed.

L grinned and grabbed onto Light’s hands. “Thank you.”

There was a knock on the door. “Hey L, Light?” It was Matsuda. “You ready to start today? The deputy director says we’re behind schedule.”

L grabbed another towel off a hook and started drying his hair. “Yes, we’ll be out in a few minutes.”

-XXX-

“Alright,” Light’s father paced back and forth. “So we know that Higuchi is Kira. The plan to apprehend him is tomorrow, correct?”

L spun his chair around to face the others. “That's correct. Everyone remembers the plan, right?”

Light and the agents nodded.

“Very good. All we have to do is make sure he doesn't make any sudden moves until then. But if I have him completely figured out…” He spun his chair back around to face the wall of computer screens. “Which I’m 80% sure that I do, we’ll be fine.”


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Nighttime closed in. Light shut the curtains on a foggy night. The cloud cover had been thick and there was no sign of the bright colors of the sunset, but it didn’t matter now - the starless sky had grown too dark for pinks and oranges many hours ago.

When he was done, L put a hand on his shoulder, provoking Light to turn and face him. The black-haired boy was looking down at the floor as if he was unsure about something.

“You okay?”

L looked back up at him. “I have two possible outcomes in my head for the plan tomorrow. It’s making me nervous.”

“What’re you worried about? You don’t think we’ll catch Higuchi? The plan seems foolproof.”  
Light combed his fingers back through L’s messy hair and smiled slightly.

The boy looked up to face him. “...I’m only speaking hypothetically… but if you’re Kira, I believe you’ll get your powers back tomorrow. Or, at the very least, your memories of using them.”

Light’s eyes widened. “You still think I did it?”

L shrugged his shoulders. “It’s only a 20% chance. As much as it definitely should… it doesn’t change how I feel about you. I won’t lie to you about what I’m thinking because I want you to know the truth.”

Light narrowed his eyes, but couldn’t think of anything to say. Being accused of being Kira hurt. That gave him the sense that L still didn’t trust him. “And that’s why you still haven’t taken off the handcuffs.”

L nodded his head, looking back down at the floor. He put his hands in his pockets.

Light knew he couldn’t take it personally though. It was just the way things had to be. And if he honestly didn’t remember anything when they confronted Higuchi, then his name would be cleared and he'd be innocent - and L would finally believe it too. If anything, maybe this was a glimmer of hope.

“...I understand.” He hugged L tightly, taking the boy by surprise. He could feel the other flinch a bit before settling into the embrace. “Don’t worry, Ryuzaki. I understand.”

L hugged him back. “Thank you.”

-XXX-

Matsuda’s car pulled up to the HQ building. “Dammit… of all things I could’ve left at the headquarters, it was my house key…” he sighed as he went through all the necessary scans and took the elevator up. “I really wish I could be asleep right now… It’s already eleven.” The doors eventually pulled open and he stepped into the main control room, which was covered in equipment and, of course, L’s wall of computer screens. Each one was set to a different security camera view.

What immediately caught his eye was that a single room still had its lights on, and four security cameras were all showing different angles of the brightly-lit room. It’s a natural reaction of the eye to follow light and movement, so his gaze darted to that set of screens before he’d even realized it.

“...Wait, what?” He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked a bit closer. “Are Light and Ryuzaki hugging…?! Wow.” He smiled. “I’m gonna have to tell the Deputy Director about this. He’ll be so happy that they’re getting…” he trailed off. On second glance… The way Light had one arm on L’s upper back and one around his waist, and the way L began to rest his head against Light’s chest… it looked amorous.

 

“Hm. Teenagers. I don’t understand their gestures,” he decided, about to turn toward home and try to pass this off as a dream. But then Matsuda had to watch for a moment longer, because something else happened.

They pulled apart slightly, and they were just watching each other now. Light was saying something. Matsuda could turn on the speakers… but should he? This wasn’t his business.

L’s arms wove their way around Light’s neck romantically and the task force agent began to sweat. This was bad. He didn’t need to see anymore of this. But… his feet wouldn’t move. His head wouldn’t turn away from the screen. He had to see what happened next. He just… never would’ve expected this kind of thing from either one of them…

They leaned in toward each other’s faces, closer… closer…

-XXX-

“Light,” L whispered right before their lips touched.

“Yeah?”

“Before this happens, you should know that Matsuda is watching us.”

“What?!” Light pulled away and let go of L. “How do you know?!”

“You didn’t see? He left his key on the desk. Considering the time it takes to get to his house from here and back, he would have returned by now and seen this.”

“Why didn’t you stop it then?!”

“Well… I’m only 40% sure. And I didn’t want to lose this opportunity.” He stuck his hands in his pockets again.

“The opportunity will come again, don’t worry.” Light walked briskly over to the door, dragging L along with him. “That is, assuming Matsuda will be keeping quiet about this.”

When they got to the main control room, the man was attempting a discreet dash for the elevator.

“Hey, hold on!” Light sprinted after him, again, dragging L behind by the handcuff chain. They got in front of Matsuda and the man was forced to stop. “How much did you see?” Light asked.

Matsuda shrugged. “N-not much, I swear. It’s really no big deal.” He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “I-I-I mean, I saw some, but not like-”

“It’s okay,” L cut him off, “but you need to make sure you don’t mention this to anyone. Not even us, if you can help it. Imagine how much the Kira investigation would be ruined if Light’s father gets angry at us. And after we’ve invested so much time and thought into it, as well. For the sake of the world, the weight is on you to be silent.”

Matsuda looked stunned. “I… all I wanted was my key!!” He sighed. “Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me. Just… be careful of those cameras, okay? Make sure that nobody is going to come back while you're doing that stuff, if you can help it.”

L nodded along, as if he hadn’t known it the whole time. It made Light scoff.

“No problem,” Light agreed. “Thank you so much for agreeing not to tell anyone.”

L hit the elevator button for Matsuda, and the doors opened. “Please, don’t forget anything in the future.”

The agent nodded. “Goodnight, Light... Goodnight Ryugami…”

The couple watched the elevator doors close.

“Well,” Light shook his head. “He looked like he’d seen a ghost.”

“He’d seen something more shocking that,” L sighed as they walked back. “Matsuda doesn't seem very strong when it comes to keeping secrets, but I’m not worried about him because nothing could rouse enough suspicion for your father to ask him anything.”

“...Did you want someone to know about us?” Light asked suddenly.

L turned toward him. “You mean because I didn’t tell him he was forgetting his key when I knew it?”

A nod.

L shrugged. “I don’t know. Powerful emotions drive nonsensical ideas into human minds. But…” He shut the door to the bedroom behind them. “...I suppose anyone would want to show off their ‘prize’, if you will.”

Light shot him half a glare before flicking off the lights.

L just grinned even more.

“Come on, let’s get into bed before it gets any later.” Light got onto his side of the bed and L on his. The black-haired boy turned his body toward Light and snuggled against the other. Light let go of his irritation after a moment and wrapped his arms around the boy. “You’re going to give me gray hair before I’m thirty, you know.”

“That depends how long we stay together,” L replied.

“You don’t think this will last?”

“I suppose it all depends. But if everything goes the way that I hope it will…” He rested his head on L’s chest. “...Then this will last forever.”

Light shook his head slightly and smoothed back the boy’s hair. “I’ll admit, hearing you say that kind of thing makes me happy, even if you don’t know it for sure.”

The room went very silent after that, and after a moment of focusing on the beat of his own heart, Light realized that he could feel L’s too. The rhythms were out of sync at first, but the longer he was aware of it, the closer they came to sounding like one single heartbeat. He shut his eyes and tightened his grip around the boy, imagining an evil copy of himself - Kira, maybe - trying to pull L away.

‘Maybe if I hold on hard enough,’ he thought, ‘L won’t be able to get away from me.’

But he knew that when morning came, problems would rise into the sky along with the sun, and he wouldn’t be able to prevent the boy from getting up and facing the day too. L would be standing beside him, not in his arms. A place where someone could easily swoop in and take him away.

If he really was Kira, that would be the end of this all, wouldn’t it? L could say anything reassuring right now, while he didn’t know for sure… but if all the evidence ended up pointing to Light… they would never be able to stay together.

His heartbeat sped back up, and it slowly fell out of sync with L’s.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day played out too fast. They set their plan into action and Higuchi had already been stopped by the police on the street. Light was sitting in a helicopter next to L. There was one thing they confiscated from the latest Kira before they arrested him - a killer notebook. A monster was suddenly standing out on the street that had come into Light's vision only after touching the book. It didn't scare him, though.

The part that absolutely terrified Light… was that he already knew the monster's name.

Light was Kira. He had always been Kira. He'd killed hundreds. No, maybe even thousands.

He turned toward L slowly, who had his thumb pressed to his lips, watching the monster standing on the street. Light now knew that he'd been planning to kill L all along. And if L didn't die, then he would find out that Light was Kira and Light would surely be killed, but if L did die… well, the brown-haired boy could never let that happen either.

L looked over at him. "...You look like you've seen a ghost. Is it that you're shocked by the shinigami?"

Light nodded slowly.

"Or is it that you've… just remembered everything, as I thought might happen? That you are Kira, after all?"

Light shook his head. "No, there's a god of death standing out on the street. It's not something I can exactly take lightly."

L gave him a long look before his gaze went back to the notebook in his hands. "...I fear for the time that we have left, Light."

Light's chest was burning. He was suddenly so conflicted - and to top it all off, it was pretty obvious that L could read the true meaning of his shock. He wanted to rid the world of criminals, he wanted to keep being Kira… but he also wanted L. And he knew he couldn't have both. But now, even if he forfeited ownership of the notebook again, L would know that that he was once Kira. And if he was wrong about L figuring it out, then he was just going to be lying to him for the rest of his life. Either way, the relationship just wouldn't work. But obviously, Light couldn't just kill L and continue on as Kira either.

He was convinced that there was some way to have both things. But how? Could even the God of the New World achieve perfection?

Just weeks before, he'd hated L with all of his blackened heart. He couldn't pinpoint the day when the sexual tension began to form, but he knew that after that first night with L, there was no going back. The boy was incredibly important to him.

Light bit his lip and stared out the window at Ryuk. He sighed. "I suppose we should start heading back to the HQ now, to begin questioning Higuchi."

"Yes," L agreed, "let's go."

-XXX-

A pair of handcuffs clattered to the ground of the boys' shared bedroom.

"You're letting me go?" Light rubbed his wrist, shocked.

L put his hands in his pockets and nodded. "I see no point in holding you here anymore. The memories didn't come back, so you've proven yourself not to be Kira."

L was lying through his teeth. Maybe the brown-haired boy didn't want to be around him anymore.

Light didn't know what else to say. He leaned in to kiss the other, but L turned away and began to walk toward the door. "Don't forget that the others are in the main computer room. They could potentially see anything happening between us."

Light nodded solemnly. "Yeah. Sorry."

"I won't need to be sleeping in this room since we're no longer handcuffed, so you can use it."

"Why can't I just go home?"

"Then the excuse that your father created for why you're gone would be ruined, wouldn't it?" L shut the door.

Light sighed and sat down. He grabbed the pillow L had been using and buried his face in it, taking in the smell of L's hair. He wondered if they'd ever have another night like those of the past… ever again.

-XXX-

"Hey, Light!" Matsuda greeted him as Light finally stepped out of his room. "Isn't it kinda late to be up and about? I was just about to head home."

Light nodded. "I can't find Ryuzaki though. Have you seen him?"

"Yeah, he's up on the roof." Matsuda double checked for all of his things and grabbed his house keys off the desk. "Night."

"Night." Light watched him leave, and it wasn't until the elevator doors had completely shut behind Matsuda that he sprinted for the roof.

He pushed open the heavy metal door and immediately realized that rain was pouring down in heavy sheets. But, there he was - L, standing near the edge of the roof, looking out at the dark, overcast sky.

"Ryuzaki!" He yelled.

L turned toward him.

"What are you doing?!"

The black-haired boy put a hand to his ear for Light to speak up.

"I said, what are you doing?!"

The boy leaned in, hand still to his ear.

"Ugh… I'll come out there." Light ran out into the rain toward L. "Hey, what are you doing out here in the rain? It's freezing cold." Light hugged his arms to his chest. The rain was sticking his clothes to his body and matting down his hair.

"Do you hear them?"

"Hear what?"

"The bells. They've been so noisy, all day."

"What bells?" Light walked closer to the boy. "I don't hear anything."

"...Well, then ignore me. You'd probably be better off ignoring most of the things that I say." L looked down at the rainwater puddling around his shoes.

Light stepped even closer and pushed some soaked black hair out of L's face. "Don't talk like that, Ryuzaki. I listen to you more than I listen to anyone else… and I don't regret it at all."

L smiled slightly, still looking down. "...Our time together is getting shorter."

"Stop saying that!" Light grabbed the other boy and held him in a tight embrace. "You've been talking so negatively, and I wish you'd just cut it out because it's too hard to hear. I don't want to stop being with you, no matter the circumsta-"

"Justice will prevail." L didn't hug him back. He just looked out at the gray city and shook his head slowly. "I don't know for certain what I even want anymore… but justice will always prevail…  _Kira_."


	6. Chapter 6

"Stop it!" Light could feel tears welling up behind his eyes, and he was thankful that the rain would hide them if they fell. "Just, stop accusing me of being a monster at every turn!" He pushed away from the boy and took two steps back toward the door. "Just…" he held his head in his hands, staring down. He could see his rippling reflection in a puddle beneath his feet. "..."

L looked up toward Light and stepped toward him. "I wish it didn't have to be this way, Light. I wish you weren't Kira. I wish you were just smart. I wish you had joined the task force as a normal detective to help solve the case. I wish… but I don't get what I wish for. That's how life works, I suppose." He took another step toward Light and kissed his lips. "Goodbye."

With that, L walked past Light and began to go back inside.

"What, so you're just going to turn to everyone as soon as they walk in the door tomorrow, and accuse me of being Kira?"

The black-haired boy didn't turn around. "No. I can't accuse you yet. I don't have any evidence. I think that for now, I'll just confine you again to make sure you can't commit any murders. But I'll wait until the morning." He continued to walk.

It wasn't until L's hand was on the doorknob that Light grabbed his shoulder. "What happened to wanting nights with me to last forever? What about when you said that even if you were sure that I was Kira, it wouldn't change how you felt about me?!"

L shook him off. "It doesn't. I love you, Light..." He opened the door. "But justice must prevail."

"Then…" Light grabbed L again and turned him around. "Why not just one more night? You don't have to _like_ me. But if you still _love_ me, then-"

"It will only be harder for both of us that way."

"Why can't the happiness last one more night?" Light felt the tears finally begin to roll down his face, swept away almost instantly by the rain without a trace. "Please… I can't bring myself to let you go."

L was silent for a moment, before nodding his head. "Okay. One more night, then."

-XXX-

This night was far different from the others.

The kisses were intense. Passionate and fiery - angry, almost. Their bodies collapsed onto the bed, and Light quickly worked his way on top of L. His hands slid the black-haired boy's shirt up and pretty soon the article of clothing was lying on the floor. L did the same to him and suddenly Light's lips were on his lover's neck, receiving little gasps in return as his hands explored that pale, slender body. For someone who ate so much sweets, he was surprised to be able to feel the other's ribcage so easily. Despite proving himself a worthy opponent in battle once or twice before, L still gave off the sensation that he could snap in half if Light wasn't careful.

"L-Light…" L sighed, his eyes shut tightly, as the brown-haired one's hands traveled down to the waistband of his pants. "...It's okay. Take them off."

Light slowly slid the boy's baggy jeans off of his legs, and those fell to the floor along with their shirts. L sat up, glancing down at a small bulge in his boxers. Light pressed his palm over that spot and used his other hand to grab the black-haired boy's chin, pulling him closer for another sloppy kiss. He palmed the other's groin at an agonizingly slow pace, earning small moans of pleasure during each breath for air.

"Light… please," L breathed as they pulled away from yet another kiss. "I can't wait any longer." He reached down and began to undo the killer's pants as well.

Light slid them off, along with his underwear, and threw them on top of the growing pile of clothes. He did the same to L's remaining boxers.

L's face flushed a dark red. "...D-don't look at me like that… **Kira**."

Light was frozen for a moment, but then his mouth curved up into a smirk. He pushed L back down and pulled the blankets up around them. "Fine, I won't. But I'm going to touch you all I want." His skilled fingers found their way to the boy's erection and wrapped firmly around it. His thumb grazed the tip, causing L's head to fall back against the pillow and his entire body to go limp in pleasure.

"Won't you stop being such a tease? Just do it already."

"Tell me what you want me to do," Light whispered. He leaned his head down so that the boy could whisper into his ear.

"I want you inside of me, just for tonight," the detective replied. His statement was immediately followed by a gasp, as Light's right index finger found its way inside of his body. "A-ah…" he mumbled, squeezing his eyes shut.

"You okay?" Light asked.

"...It's… such a strange feeling," L squirmed.

"Just withstand it for a bit longer." Light added a second one, resulting in a sharp gasp from L. "It's okay. Just a bit longer…" he felt around inside of the boy, looking for something in particular. Something that would completely change the way things were going…

"H-ah…!" The black-haired boy's eyes shot open with a wave of pleasure. "Y-you hit it…" he gasped.

Light smirked again, rubbing his two fingers with much more pressure than before into that specific spot. "Finally. How's the pain?"

"Better."

The one on top pulled his fingers out and positioned himself. He pulled L's legs up higher and smiled down at the boy, kissing his nose. "Ready?"

The black-haired boy wiped a bead of sweat from his face and nodded.

Light pushed inside of him. Then pulled out slightly, and pushed back in. After a moment, he got into a rhythm and looked down at the boy below him. L's eyes were half-lidded and his mouth slightly ajar with pleasure. Light laughed a soft, breathy laugh. "I love you."

L grabbed onto the arms that were holding Light up above him. He shot back a dazed grin. "I love you too."

"R-Ryuzaki… I'm getting really close…" Light panted.

"Me… too…!" L moaned. He shut his eyes again and Light gritted his teeth as they hit the edge at the same time.

The killer collapsed beside his love and pulled the boy's limp body to his chest. "I love you, he said again. I love you, I love you, I love you."

L snuggled into him. "...I love you… too…"

As soon as the black-haired boy had fallen asleep, Light shut his eyes as tightly as they would go. Tears spilled onto his face.

Light didn't sleep at all that night.

He just hugged L tightly to his chest, knowing that when morning came, he would have to let him go. And Kira would take him away.

"I am the reason we'll never be together…" he mumbled under his breath, playing with a strand of L's ebony-colored hair. "For that… I'm so sorry."


	7. Chapter 7

"Are the cameras on?"

"No, not yet for this room."

Light Yagami was in handcuffs again. But this time, both of his hands were bound together behind his back, and he was sitting in a musty prison cell. There was a constant, subtle drip of water coming from the inside of the walls, and the overall scent of dust and mold was overwhelming. This was the same prison cell he'd been in for almost two months, just waiting for his name to be cleared. And now, he was back.

L was untying his blindfold. He took his time with it, weaving his fingers through the brown hair and leaning in close enough to hear the detective's breath near his ear. One strip of fabric was slowly pulled from the knot until it collapsed on itself, falling into L's hands. He took it gently into his pocket as if he planned to keep it, since it had been on Light. The black-haired boy gave Light a sad look.

"Just you wait," Light said optimistically. "I'll clear my name again. I already forgive you for this, and once you forgive me too... it'll all be okay."

L didn't reply to that. "Matsuda seemed pretty surprised this morning, didn't he?"

Light shrugged his shoulders. "Well, he knows you're out for justice above all, so he couldn't have been too shocked."

"I suppose." Light looked down. He didn't want to leave Light just yet, it seemed, but he didn't have anything left to say.

"Hey, how do you feel?" Light asked, smiling slightly. "After last night?" He almost laughed slightly.

"Well," L gave him an honest answer. "Kind of sore, but I'm not bothered by it. Since anything's bound to happen now, I'd like the memory of your existence to be burned into me like a wound. I want to be able to feel evidence that you were here, especially since I'll be seeing so much less of you in person."

"I know you suspect me to be Kira, but… why lock me up? If it was Higuchi who had the Death Note before and I wasn't even doing the killings at that time, why would you suspect me now?"

"Now that Higuchi is gone, someone has to pick up the killings. It seems to me like it would be you again, especially since we just came into possession of the Death Note."

"Wouldn't that be too obvious? And since you just took it from Higuchi, would you really have any sufficient evidence to arrest me?" Light asked. "The end of the killings would still be blamed on Higuchi, so locking me up directly after wouldn't give you anything."

"No, it is entirely sufficient," L replied, "because I believe that there's a second Kira. So if you are confined here and the killings continue, then it is the same as when I confined you for the first time - proving that you are not involved."

"My point from before still stands! This won't bring you evidence that's worth anything, especially since there's not proof that there's even a 'second Kira' in the first place!"

For the first time, Light watched as L broke down into tears. "...If I can keep you here for as long as possible… then maybe I can find a way to convince the others that… you're not Kira."

"But," Light's expression softened, shocked by L's display of weakness. "What about justice? What about-"

The black-haired boy covered his face with his hands. "I've been lying to myself… this whole time, I knew in the back of my mind… that I value you over justice."

Light's eyes widened. "...Do you mean that?"

"Why would I lie?" L asked. He took Light's face in his hands and leaned in until their foreheads touched. "Look into my eyes until you're sure that I'm being honest. I love you, more than justice. And I'm not going to let anything happen to you."

Light kissed him. He wished he could break his hands out of their bonds and comb his fingers through L's hair… but he settled for the kiss. "How long, then, do you think that I'll be in here?"

"I don't know. As long as it takes to clear your name. But I'll bring you your food three times a day." He looked around. "It's kind of cold in here too… I'll bring you a wool blanket. The one from our bed."

Light shook his head. "You don't have to do all of that. You'll look too suspicious." He chuckled slightly. "If you're not careful, Ryuzaki, you'll forget how to be smart. Never think with your heart."

L opened his mouth slightly as if he was about to respond, but he just stood frozen in silence for a moment before his thumb went to his lips. "...Hm. I suppose you're right. In that case, meals will be twice a day, two pieces of toast for breakfast and soup and bread for dinner."

"Not that I'm actually happy about that, but… it's a better plan," Light agreed.

"Now, I should go because the cameras will be enabled any minute now." L gave Light one last, tender kiss. "I love you."

Light breathed in the scent of the boy's hair, determined not to forget it before their next meeting. "I love you too."

With that, L turned and left. His footsteps echoed down the hall for another half a minute before disappearing.

And then Light was alone.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to apologize for not updating yesterday; it totally slipped my mind. To make up for the screwed up schedule and keeping you guys waiting, I'll update again tomorrow. For now, please enjoy!

It was many hours before L came back.

Light was sitting down on the bench within the prison cell, looking down at the floor in deep thought. His eyes lit up as soon as he heard the footsteps begin to echo through the hallway, and pretty soon Light came into view on the other side of the bars.

The detective walked inside and shut the door behind him, holding exactly what he said he'd bring - a bowl of soup and a slice of bread.

"Hey, Ryuzaki-"

"I'll remind you that the cameras are fully active, so you can save yourself this boring fate and admit to being Kira whenever you'd like."

Light almost visibly slouched. Almost. He was smart enough to keep a poker face, no matter how disappointed he was. "I already told you, I'm not Kira, and you have no reason to believe I am!"

L shrugged. "Your father's watching the video feed. Do you really want to lie to him anymore?"

"Ryuzaki," a voice started up over the intercom, "there's no need to be so aggressive."

L sighed. "Okay, I'll stop for now. Are you hungry, Light?"

Light nodded. "Yes, very. Hurry up and take these handcuffs off so that I can eat."

"No, I can't do that. The handcuffs will stay on," L said simply.

"Fine. If you're so determined to destroy my pride, I guess there's nothing I can do about it." Light bent his head down toward the tray in L's hands.

"You don't have to eat like a dog," the black-haired boy sighed. "I'll feed it to you."

Light tried to hide the blush on his face, to no avail. Hopefully the video feed wasn't picking it up. "U-um… Okay."

L sat down next to Light and took a spoonful of soup from the bowl. "Open, please."

Light opened his mouth slowly, a little shocked that L was doing that on camera.

L grinned a little and fed him the soup. "Do you like it? The food, I mean."

Light shrugged. "Kind of bland. But I'm starving so I'll take it. Hurry up and get me some more."

With the next spoonful, L got a little bit closer to Light's face.

"What are you doing?!" The brown-haired not whispered. "You're being too risky."

"No, it's okay." He shook his head, speaking his next sentence a bit louder. "I hope this doesn't make you too uncomfortable, Light Yagami. You know as well as anyone else that I don't exactly… Conform to social standards that other people have. I've been told this before, so I assume it to be true."

"Whatever," Light shrugged it off. "I already know you're strange so I got used to it a long time ago."

"Good. Then the distance between my face and yours doesn't bother you?"

"Well, there's nothing I can do about it, so not really."

"Good." L grabbed another spoonful of soup. "Then let's continue."

After Light was done eating, L stood back up. "I'll be back in the morning. Goodbye for now."

Light hoped to see some sort of subtle grin from L that the camera couldn't pick up, but got only a stoic face. "Well, hurry up and leave already. I want to sleep."

L nodded once and exited the cell.

-XXX-

As a month ticked by, Light began to realize that his entire life now consisted of waiting for the black-haired boy to return, day after day. It was everything. The sound of footsteps echoing down a concrete hallway was his hope.

His only happiness.

And then, as if on queue, the footsteps came into earshot. He looked up immediately, peering through the bars for the moment that L came around the corner.

For a split seconds, his explored all kinds of possibilities - what if it wasn't L and someone else was bringing his breakfast? What if L had been completely unassigned from the task and would never come again? What if it was L, but someone came with him? What if what if what if-

But then there he was. The slouched posture, the hands in his pockets, the dark eyes and the black hair that had never seen a hairbrush. All right in front of Light, and all his.

Well, with the restraint of the video cameras.

L broke out into a smile. "I know what you're thinking. Don't worry; I had them disabled. Matsuda is making sure they stay off and he said he'd give us a hint over the intercom if they're being turned back on."

Light stood up and walked right up to the bars. "There're no windows in here, Ryuzaki. I honestly can't tell if it's been hours or days."

The boy unlocked the cell door and put down the tray of food before wrapping his arms around Light, squeezing as tightly as he could. "Only hours. It's been a night since I last saw you, but it has been a month since I've been able to act normally around you."

"Why did it take so long you to get the cameras off?"

"It wasn't easy to find a time where only Matsuda and I were in the main control room," L explained.

"Where are the others?"

"Out on a mission to find more information on Kira's whereabouts. Some civilians are stepping forward, claiming to be him, and they decided it was their only lead in a while and they might as well follow it."

"So the killings have stopped?" Light asked.

L nodded. "They have."

"Then why are the agents following other leads?" Light asked confusedly.

L shook his head. "The others know my theory that there's a second Kira, so they're starting to believe it's you, but your father seems to be in a state of denial. He's taking on all kinds of ridiculous leads to find other suspects."

Light lowered his voice so that the microphones in the room wouldn't pick it up. "This is a good time for a diversion from you then, right?"

L was hesitant, like his first instinct was to reject an unjust idea like that, but he nodded nonetheless. "What do you have in mind?"

"First, you need to hear something. This will preface my plan." Light motioned with his head, ushering L closer.

The boy leaned forward and put his hands on Light's shoulders before turning his head so the boy could whisper in his ear. The cameras were off, but it was such a secret that was about to be uttered, every precaution felt necessary.

"I  _am_   **Kira**."


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, I went ahead and put another chapter up today to fix the posting schedule. Upcoming chapters will be posted every other day (as per usual) so you can expect the next one to be posted sometime on Friday. Now then, enjoy the story!

L's eyes widened. He didn't have anything to say as he pulled away from Light. He just watched, waiting to see if the brown-haired boy would say anything else.

"You knew that though, didn't you?"

L nodded. "...I never thought you would say it to me."

"Let it be proof of how much trust I have in you," Light smirked.

L didn't grin. He just grabbed Light's face and tilted his head for a long kiss.

Light was a little surprised, but quickly melted into the sensation and worked his tongue into the other's mouth.

They pulled away after a solid twenty or so seconds, leaving both gasping for air.

"Lawliet," L said breathily, as if out of nowhere.

"What?" Light panted, confused.

"That's my real name. L Lawliet."

The brown-haired boy's eyes widened. "Why are you telling me this?"

"For the same reason that you told me you were Kira. Because I trust you." L brushed some hair behind his lover's ear, having had fallen in his face as they pulled away from the kiss. "If you end up betraying me somehow, and I die, then that's okay. Because I'm not interested in living without you anyway."

Light smiled. "Same to you. Hey, do you think you could take these handcuffs off?"

L shook his head. "If anything happens, there's a chance I wouldn't get them back on you in time. Are your arms sore from staying like that?"

The killer nodded. "...Extremely, to be honest. My arms feel like they're going to fall off of my body. My wrists feel twisted and it hurts to move them."

L thought about it. "...Okay. I'll take them off. I could tell the others it was a trust test. If it comes from me, they'll believe it." He reached into his pocket and grabbed a small metal key before putting it into the handcuffs. All it took was a simple turn for Light's arms to be free for the first time in thirty-two days.

"...Ohh my God…" he stretched out his arms. "Thank you! That feels so much better."

"Matsuda?" L called to the camera.

The intercom turned on. "Yeah?"

"How much longer does Light's dad say they'll be out?"

"Uhm, I'll text him. Hold on a sec." There was a pause before Matsuda replied, "Another two hours at the least. You can take your time with… w-whatever it is that you're doing."

"Hmm…" L sat down on the bench next to Light in his usual crouched over position. He put his thumb to his lips, as if making a decision. "Then would you turn off this camera?"

"...Sure. Do you want the microphone off too?"

"Preferably. But let us know if the others come back sooner than expected."

"Okay.."

"Oh, and Matsuda."

"Yeah, Ryuzaki?"

"Have you turned on the microphone in this cell to listen in at any point during this meeting?"

"N-no, I swear! That'd be a total invasion of privacy, dontcha think?"

L nodded. "Yes, so don't ever do so unless I explicitly tell you to. Which will likely never happen."

"Okay. I'll uh, I'll go now. Bye, Ryuzaki. Bye, Light!"

"Bye," Light called.

"Goodbye," L added.

The red light above the camera lense faded to black as the camera auto-positioned itself toward the floor.

"Very good." L grinned a bit and turned back to Light. "Now, I believe you weren't done telling me your plan from earlier?"

"Oh yeah," Light nodded. He turned toward the boy and grabbed his hands. "...It's been so long since I could do that," he chuckled.

L's face lit up slightly and he squeezed Light's hands in return.

"Anyway, here's the deal. Before you took me to this cell, I went to Misa. I'll be honest here- she had a Death Note too. Nonetheless, I got her permission to give it to someone else. You were right about there being a second Kira."

L nodded his head slightly, waiting patiently for Light to continue.

"So, I found someone who I know is loyal to me. He's spoken at Kira-centered events, and was always in the background of the rallies on TV. His name is Mikami. I want you to go to Misa, and take the Death Note that she has. Making sure you have her permission to hand it off, mail it to Mikami. I already attached a note inside. Misa has his address. All you have to do is send it off. After that, she's going to lose all memory of owning a Death Note and forget everything about being the second Kira, and that's no problem by me."

"Why didn't you ask Misa to do it all herself?" L asked.

"For the same reason that you told me your real name - because I was okay with being executed if I didn't have you on my side. And I couldn't be completely sure of that decision until I'd let you be 100% positive that I'm Kira."

L still seemed hesitant about the plan. "But, isn't it too risky to send the Death Note to a complete stranger? You don't truly know how this man would react. I'll take the Death Note from Misa, and keep it. With yours in my custody, and ownership of Misa's, everything will go the way that we want it, right?"

Light shrugged his shoulders. "Well, it's possible. Are you sure you can take on a duty like that? To kill innocent people? After a life solving crime, you're okay with committing it?"

"I've committed many crimes in my life… and although I was raised for a role of justice... " L sighed. "I suppose I could kill, if it will clear your name."

Light wove his fingers through L's messy black hair. "If I was still desperate to bring you down… Ryuzaki…" he snickered. "This would be as good as a surrender from you. I know your name, you've submitted your morals to be mine… and now you're even taking on the work of the killer you've aspired to stop. It's… amazing, what love can do."

All of a sudden, L's usually unreadable face looked like it was hit with a gruesome realization. "Well, I'm not sure why you had to go and say something like that." He shook Light's hands from his hair and turned toward the bars of the cell.

"Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to offend-"

"Relationship or no relationship, words go a long way. Shouldn't someone as manipulative as you know that?" L narrowed his eyes, still looking away.

Light's eyes, on the other hand, widened in horror. Shit, he'd really messed up. "R-Ryuzaki-"

The black-haired boy grabbed Light's arms and pulled them behind his back before quickly refastening the handcuffs. In fact, they felt even tighter than before. "You can eat your food without hands today. I think it's time I retired to my desk in the control room and thought this whole situation out." He sighed, leaving the cell and slamming the door behind him. He watched Light's shocked face through the bars for a moment before turning toward the hallway with a sigh. "What an utter mess…"

The echoing footsteps faded as he turned the corner. What had just happened?!

"...Ryuzaki…?"

Light's call was met with silence.


	10. Chapter 10

Light stared down at the ground. Surely, hours had passed… L must’ve been coming back soon to give Light his dinner… Even though he hadn't eaten his breakfast.

But L didn't come.

Eventually, Light realized that he hadn't even been brought dinner. Had L decided to just let him die in there?! Why had the boy suddenly changed his mind so drastically?? What if he told the others that Light was Kira?

Light balled his hands into fists until his knuckles turned white. “That traitor. I'll bet ‘Lawliet’ isn't even his real name…” he mumbled under his breath.

Three days passed. Light was lying on the ground, knees pulled up to his chest. The hunger was killing him slowly. Sharp, throbbing pains came and went through his stomach, along with a horrible sense of nausea.

When the footsteps started up, he didn't have the energy to widen his eyes. He just laid still, waiting to see who it was. There was a different kind of tone to these steps. They sounded faster and heavier. Definitely not L - unless he was furious.

Instead of excitement, he actually found himself feeling a twinge of fear mixed with all of the physical pain. Maybe they were going to take him to his death sentence.

The cell door opened and closed.

“Hello, Light Yagami.”

He only moved his eyes to look up, immediately recognizing the voice.

Light gave a subtle smirk. “...Ryuzaki.”

The black-haired boy was staring down at him expressionlessly. “I want you to know that I didn't tell anyone.”

Light was surprised, but didn't have the energy to question it.

“However… I fell into your trap without realizing it. And I shouldn't have.”

Kira continued to watch, not having anything to say anyway.

“The cameras are off. The microphones too.” Before Light had time to figure out what was happening, L pulled back a foot and kicked him in the side, hard enough to knock the boy back a few feet.

Light immediately winced, but didn't have the energy to yell out in pain. “What… Are you-” He was cut off as L grabbed him violently by the front of his shirt.

“It would be so much easier if I just told them you were Kira,” L said quietly, his face mere inches from L’s. “However… I couldn't bring myself to reveal something that you told me in confidence... It's idiotic, isn't it? That will be the end of emotions ruining my sense of justice. If I finish you off now… everything will be back on track. Besides, your dad will be upset, but he’ll get over it, especially since the others are 80% positive that you’re Kira anyway.”

“Wait?! You’re going to k-” L’s hands wrapped around his throat. The black-haired boy pushed him against the ground, straddling him as he strangled the killer. Light couldn’t even grasp at his hands, being handcuffed.

He could feel his face turning blue. This was really the end, wasn’t it? What a horrible way to die. How had he managed to say the one thing that would make L think he was - oh, that’s why this was happening! L must’ve thought that he was being manipulated by Light this entire time. Maybe he thought that Light never actually loved him.

Was it possible that L was manipulating him in return? For a confession? No, that didn’t add up. Right?

These thoughts were buzzing through his mind at lightning speed, to the point where they didn’t necessarily make sense anymore.

That was it, wasn’t it? All of this was a lie? This whole situation, one big joke that Light let himself get too caught up in? Tears formed in the brown-haired boy’s eyes as he felt his consciousness fading. His chest was on fire from the inside. The edges of his vision were becoming clouded with black fuzz. The last thing he would see was L’s face…

Suddenly, the pale hands around Light’s throat were released, and his eyes shot open. He wasn’t sure how, he wasn’t sure why, he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know - but L had released him. He gasped for breath after breath, but the air didn’t hold enough oxygen to ever fill up his lungs again. He breathed in so much air that his throat felt burned as much as his chest.

L was covering his face with both hands.

“W-why did y-you let go o-of... “ Light stopped himself. Another glance at L proved that without a doubt, the boy was crying. His chest and shoulders were jerking up and down with each silent sob. However, is hair hung in his face over his hands, keeping Light from seeing any of the tears.

No words needed to be said. L was clearly not over him, no matter how much he claimed to be.

Light’s eyes teared up as well. He wouldn’t wish this moment upon anyone. He couldn’t even hug L back because he was lying on the floor underneath him, in handcuffs.

“...Ryuzaki…?”

In one swift movement, L got up and pushed Light onto his side. He felt the handcuffs move slightly, and then fall off of his wrists. His metal bonds dropped to the ground with a loud clatter. The sound echoed across the walls of the dark prison cell dramatically before fading away. During the entirety of that noise, neither boy moved an inch.

Light didn’t have the energy to get up. Sure, the random strangulation provided an adrenaline rush, but it wasn’t enough to restore three days worth of energy that he wasn’t given. He didn’t even move his arms - it would hurt too much to move them after being still for so long. He’d had that brief period of time that L had taken them off… but it wasn’t enough. Especially not now that he felt awful in every other way possible as well.

“...Aren’t you going to do something?” L asked, confused.

Light shook his head slightly, wincing at even the slightest movement of his right arm.

He heard L wipe his tears on his sleeve. “I-I’ll help you.” He knelt down and slowly touched Light’s arm. The brown-haired boy shook his head, but L slowly began to move it anyway. Light gritted his teeth until that hand was back in front of him. He hadn’t thought much about it, but it had actually been several weeks since he’d seen his own hands.

L slowly sat him up and moved the other one over. “Is that okay?”

Light looked up at the boy who was still kneeling beside him. L’s hair was still hanging down, covering his eyes. Instead of answering, he just moved the hair out of his lover’s face.

“Don’t look at me.” L looked away. “I just betrayed you, didn’t I? Don’t beg with your eyes like that.”

“...” Light looked away. He slowly raised an arm and felt his neck, wincing at the sensation. It was definitely going to bruise.

There was a long silence as the two both looked off into opposite directions.

“I’m sorry,” they both mumbled in unison.

L looked back at Light. “What are you sorry for?”

“It’s my fault that all of this happened,” Light sighed. “I said something awful. It was… insensitive. It made it sound like I was manipulating you this whole time. It could’ve put any sort of ideas into your head. And I know you’re smart like me - maybe even smarter.You put two and two together. So it hurt. So, I’m sorry.”

L nodded slightly. “...I’m not completely sure that I still trust you. But I accept your apology. I’m sorry for strangling you. And kicking you. And leaving you without food for three days. And um… sitting on you a moment ago.”

That got Light to chuckle a little. “Thanks. I don’t know if I completely trust you either… but I also accept your apology.”

L grinned and hugged Light tightly.

Light was taken by surprise and his weak body flinched, to which L quickly loosened his grip. “What about the justice thing?” Light asked. “The world won’t get its justice if I’m around.”

L shook his head. “I made my true decision when I told you the first time: that as of now, you’re more important to me than justice.”

Light sighed. “I feel like our relationship isn’t fair to you. I benefit from it and you do the opposite.”

“Nonsense. I benefit a lot.” L smiled slightly. “And… it’s possible that if Kira gets accepted by the world, then he _is_ justice.”

Light smirked. “Now you see it my way.”

“But that kind of viewpoint will have to take some time.” L pulled away from the hug. “Until I decide what my stance is, I’m okay with having a rather complicated, secretive romance.”

Light nodded. “Me too.”

L softly kissed the other’s lips. “I’m going to bring you some food. I’ll find something less boring than the usual.”

“It’s dinner time?” Light squinted in shock. “Wow, I really can’t tell in here.”

L shrugged his shoulders as he left the cell and locked the door. “I don’t actually know either. It’s been a while since I’ve gone out.”

Light chuckled again. “Oh, wait! You forgot to put my handcuffs back on.”

L waved it off. “You don’t have to wear those things anymore. I’ll let the task force know that I’m slowly giving you back some trust, as a test. Of course, if you break out, I’ll have to put ‘em back on.”

Light shook his head. “Ha, where would I even go? Everything I need is right here.”

He watched the black-haired boy crack another grin as he turned the corner, and then he was out of sight.

The brown-haired boy looked back down at the ground. “...Wow… that’s it, huh?” He mumbled the words aloud. “...Love is…” he looked down at his freed hands. “...The darkest… most inexplicable emotion.”


	11. Chapter 11

L came back with a tray full of food in one hand and a wool blanket tossed over his shoulder. He set the tray down on the bench next to Light without a word and wrapped the blanket around the boy.

Light smiled up at him. "...Thank you."

L nodded his head slightly. He climbed onto the bench and sat down in his usual position next to Light.

Light pulled some of the blanket over L too. As he retracted his hand, L grabbed it. There was a ring of bruises around where the handcuffs had been. "I didn't notice this before…"

Light waved it off. "It's nothing you had control of." He shrugged his shoulders. "I don't even feel it right now."

The black-haired boy lifted Light's chin up to inspect the damage of the strangulation. His neck was also a bluish-purple color. "...This, I had control of. I'm sorry again."

Light shook L's hand off. "Ryuzaki, it's okay. Things are weird. This isn't a normal relationship. To some extent, I get why you did it." He suddenly paused. "Wait, are the cameras on?"

L shook his head. "It's just Matsuda in the headquarters today. He's got all of the equipment shut off in here for the next couple of hours." The boy picked up the tray of food and set it in Light's lap. "Now, eat or you'll eventually die." He picked up a piece of bread and stuffed it into his lover's mouth.

Light choked a bit and pulled it out. "Thanks." He chuckled a bit, shaking his head as he took a bite of the bread.

There was silence as Light ate. Neither one knew what to say. When he finished and set his tray down on on the bench next to him, L finally made a move. The boy leaned into Light and rested his head on the brown-haired boy's shoulder.

Light rested his cheek on top of L's head. "I don't honestly care what you do to me… I love you."

L shut his eyes. "...What you do to the world as Kira… Doesn't change who you are to me as Light."

There was a sudden, loud crash, followed by the clatter of the food tray against a concrete floor. L blinked a few times, recollecting himself as he seemed to realize the predicament.

Light was on top of him, and they were both on the floor. Both were tangled up in the blanket, wrapped and contorted around them. It was as if they were wound up in their own little cave, nothing existing around them except each other.

Both watched the other, eyes half-lidded. The only sound was their own rapid heartbeats, and the soft, steady beat of their breath. Looking at each other in this quiet isolation, they were able to momentarily forget everything.

And everything seemed okay.

L craned his neck upward and planted a tender kiss on Light's lips. "Well? I know you don't plan to stare at me forever, Light."

The brown-haired boy shook his head slightly. A smirk began to appear on his face as his mind delved into an idea. "...Hey, as long as the cameras and microphones are off…"

L looked like he was considering it. "...Risky, but…" He pushed some hair away from Light's face. "Bound in handcuffs that whole time… You must be desperate."

Light shrugged. "Have you been…?"

L shook his head. "If you need the full story…" his face reddened a bit as he explained, "my body's been spoiled by yours… and ever since that night, nothing else has been able to satisfy me."

"Really?" Light's smirk widened a bit. His hand pushed up L's shirt, sliding up the boy's chest. He felt the black-haired boy shiver underneath him. "Well, then I'll make sure to satisfy-"

L grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled Light off to the side. He climbed on top of him, pushing the blanket off so that they were exposed to the open air again. "Oh, that won't be necessary." He leaned down so close that his lips brushed Light's ear. "Don't I get a turn to be on top?"

Light scoffed a bit at that, but then realized L was serious. "Hm… alright. Go for it."

The black-haired boy grabbed Light's shirt and lifted it up. Light helped to pull it over his own head and threw it into the floor while L immediately began to work on his jeans. He pulled them off and then all that was left were Light's boxer shorts. He waited for L to take those off too, but instead the boy began to nibble on his neck. He bit and licked and sucked at the soft skin.

"...Oh… that's, actually really good…" Light mumbled, tilting his head back to the concrete floor. He felt L's hands slide down his chest, stopping in between the killer's legs. He grabbed the bulge in Light's underwear and slowly massaged the spot, while the boy's breath shook in response. "...Now I get it…" Light sighed, squeezing his eyes shut. "What it feels like to be teased like this…"

He shivered slightly as the black-haired boy's teeth ran over his collarbone. Saying that only seemed to fuel L more, because when he finally hooked his fingers around the waistband of those boxer shorts and pulled them down…

L's finger gently brushed the tip of Light's erection, looking as if he was in deep thought about how to proceed. He was using his other hand to put his thumb to his lips.

Light flinched at the gesture, looking up at the boy through his bangs in anticipation. "...Well…? I-it's embarrassing if you just stare at it…"

L nodded. "What do you think it tastes like?"

"What?"

"Cum."

"Um… well," Light blushed, "I'm told it's kind of sweet…?"

"Then my decision is made."

Light's eyes widened. "You're seriously gonna-?"

It was too late, the boy had already gotten his head down low, hair hanging in his face so Light couldn't see what was happening. Only feel it.

"Aa-h…!" Light panted, hit with a wave of pleasure as L's tongue made contact with his skin. It was warm, and wet… and it felt so good… "Th-at wasn't an i-invitation for you to make me c-ome, y'know…"

L didn't respond. He took about half of it into his mouth, hands resting above his head on Light's abdomen. His up-and-down movements were strong and fast, not wasting any time.

"Oh, g-od… yes…" Light ran his hands through his hair. He tangled his hands in L's hair and gritted his teeth until he hit the edge. A groan escaped his lips as he climaxed.

L lifted his head and sat up, looking down at the disheveled, panting boy below him. There was a droplet of white-ish liquid in the corner of his mouth. L licked his lips, eyes still locked with Light's. "You're malnourished… but it isn't bad." He broke the gaze to look down. "It appears you can still go a little longer."

"Hey, you haven't even taken off your shirt yet!" Light countered, sitting up. "Let me see that beautiful skin." He began to pull the boy's shirt up, to which L carried out the rest of the process himself. He pulled his own pants off too and pushed Light back onto the floor. They kissed passionately for a moment, before L pushed Light onto his stomach.

"...Heh… you're just gonna go for it, aren't you?" Light chuckled, glancing over his shoulder.

"I've waited far too long while you were locked away to have this moment again." L slid off his underwear and set it with the rest of his clothes.

With no preparation, he pushed into Light. The brown-haired boy cringed and held back a cry of pain. "Ugh… Ryuzaki, y-you were supposed to work up to this point."

L's voice suddenly changed to one of… seriousness? Was that… anger? "I know you can handle it. You're _Kira_ ," The detective pulled out, and then thrusted back in. He repeated the process, harsher every time.

Light bit his lip in agony and it took all of his willpower not to accidentally chew it right off. Finally, L hit that wonderful spot inside of him. His eyes flew open in shock and his hands balled into fists. "Aah! R-right there…!"

L aimed for that spot and hit it over and over and over again. " _Kira_ ," he panted, voice still lined with pent-up anger.

Light's cries of pleasure overlapped L's growling tone.

"You ruthless killer. Take the pain. It's nothing compared to what you've inflicted on others."

"I Kn-ow…" Light mumbled shakily, squeezing his eyes shut again as L thrusted deeper. "If it will… make you… not h-hate what I've done… then go ahead… and be harsher!"

L bit into Light's neck, clawed at his back, just threw everything he had into it until Light was screaming in a mixture of pain and pleasure.

It didn't take long at that rate for Light to be pushed over the edge for the second time, and L too.

The black-haired boy collapsed on the floor beside Light, panting for air. "...I'm sorry." His anger was gone.

"...I-it's okay…" Light gasped. "I deserved it. And…" He smirked slightly. "...That was actually… really good, to be honest…"

"Really…?" L grinned slightly. "I didn't think you had that side to you, Light."

The killer was covered in red scratches, his eyes pink and glassed over from the pain. Starting at his collarbone and working upward were fresh marks of black and blue, leading to the slightly older bruises around his neck.

Light's body tightened up, wincing in pain. "...Damn… I'm starting to feel it all…"

"Put your clothes back on and I'll bring you some ice." L handed Light his clothes and then got back into his own.

"Will you stay with me again when you come back?" Light asked.

"Of course." L kissed him on the head. "But you should get some sleep either way. You probably shouldn't have exerted this much energy after fasting."

Light nodded, lying back down over the blanket. "Okay, see you soon."

The black-haired boy nodded and left the cell. Once again, his footsteps disappeared around the corner.

-XXX-

When L stepped back into the main control room, the first thing he saw was Matsuda giving him a guilty look. The second thing he saw was the other agents, all back early. But one in particular was crossing his arms, immediately sending a twinge of worry up L's spine.

Soichiro Yagami - Light's father.


	12. Chapter 12

"I didn't expect you to be back so early," L played it cool as he sat down in his normal chair.

"Why is the camera in Light's cell off?" Mr. Yagami asked in confusion.

L looked over at the black screen. "Oh, that's because I told Watari to shut it off."

"Why?" The man narrowed his eyes slightly.

"You don't have to lie for Matsuda. He already fessed up. Now, why is it off?"

Matsuda's expression became even guiltier.

L looked back at the screen. "Because I was trying to get some information out of Light, and it seemed to me that Matsuda wasn't up for the sight."

"What are you talking about? What did you do?" The man walked over to the computer screen and hit the key that would turn the cameras back on. L waited for what felt like an eternity as the black screen lit up, as if he was frozen in time. He wasn't sure what they would see.

Light was still lying on the floor. He'd curled his body up into a fetal position and had half of the blanket wrapped around himself, the other half underneath him, fast asleep.

"I gave him a blanket, by the way. It was very cold in there."

To L's complete and utter luck, Light's injuries were concealed by the blanket.

"You also took off the handcuffs?"

L nodded. "I believe that we are able to put more trust in him."

"Why's that?" Another agent asked. "The murders have stopped."

"Check the news today." L turned on a TV and go his luck, the news story was still playing.

"I'm news anchor Akira Himekawa and this is Channel 5 News. It seems that Kira is back! Another four killings have surfaced, all criminals, and all from heart attacks."

The agents were all taken aback with shock. "Y-you can't be serious!" One exclaimed. "They stopped after we arrested Higuchi!"

"I knew the murders had stopped after Higuchi, but with my suspicion for Light Yagami, I detained him as well just in case he'd continue the killings after the death of Higuchi," Light explained. "However, I figured from the start that there were two Kiras. I knew that if Light wasn't one of them, the killings would continue. However, if Light was one of them, the killings would truly be over for good."

"But, if Light ended up actually being the other Kira," Mr. Yagami asked confusedly, "just because the killings stopped after Higuchi doesn't prove anything against Light since you have no proof that there was a second Kira in the first place."

"Light raised the same point a while back," L replied, "but I don't abide by the law if it gets in my way. You should all know that by now. For the first time, I am 100% positive that Light isn't Kira, and someone else is committing the murders. Therefore, I'm dropping my suspicion."

"Why not let Light out now then?" Matsuda asked, suddenly coming to the idea.

L spun his chair around to face the others. "Oh yes, I suppose I could do that. Does anybody else believe that he's innocent enough to be let out? How about a show of hands."

One by one, starting with Matsuda and Mr. Yagami, the agents put up their hands. This was working out surprisingly well.

L nodded. "I agree. There's no way he could be Kira now. It's a complete 0%," he grinned.

-XXX-

L came back to Light later than expected, but at least he came back at all - and with the ice!

Wait, more than the ice.

A very sincere smile.

L's smiles were always contagious to Light. "What's going on?" He asked, sitting up from where he'd been asleep. The footsteps of L's arrival had woken him. His smile almost became so wide that he had to remind himself of the security camera.

"Well, first things first." L knelt down and pulled the blanket up a bit higher around Light so that it would continue to cover the bruises around his neck. "I'm setting you free today."

Light's eyes widened with the most shock he'd felt since the day he discovered the death note. "H-how?! Did you find evidence that I'm not Kira?!"

L nodded. "Four new murders. I see no chance of a third Kira, so you're cleared."

"Well then." Light stood up. "Let's go, right? You lead the way."

Two men that Light didn't recognize stepped out from around the corner. One handed L a blindfold, and Light shut his eyes as he let the boy slowly tie it around his head. L took his time running his fingers through the other's unkempt brown hair.

Light jerked his head a little, as if to say, 'don't be suspicious!'

L quickly tied the blindfold and put a hand on Light's shoulder. "Hm. I suppose I'll take your blanket from you. They'll all see the injuries at some point."

Light hesitated, but shrugged the blanket off nonetheless. L took it and slung it over his shoulder.

"Ryuzaki!" Mr. Yagami's voice immediately sounded over the microphone. "You have some serious explaining to do if you've been hurting my son behind my back."

"Hi Dad," Light called out cautiously. "Don't worry, I'm okay. I can explain everything once we get back."

"...Hurry home. I've missed you."

Light smiled slightly. "I've missed you too."

"Ready to go?" L asked, putting a hand on his shoulder to guide him.

The brown-haired boy nodded. "Please."


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this chapter got updated super late - it's because my laptop is broken, so while it's getting fixed (and also because I ran out of pre-made chapters) updates will be less consistent from now on. The story is definitely not on any sort of hiatus though! I'll aim for one update a week. If I'm lucky, I'll be able to write more, but that all depends on how often I can get my hands on a computer. Thanks for reading as always though and please enjoy the chapter!

Light couldn't see anything, that much was clear. But it wasn't a concern to him.

They were definitely in a car - maybe even the backseat of that limo he'd seen L ride before. But even the leather seats and the peaceful music that was whispering gently through the speakers was no match for the comforting sensation of L's shoulder against his. He could feel the boy's warmth that he craved so constantly within the cold prison cell, listen to that soothing voice every time he spoke, and, near the end of the drive, feel the gentle squeeze of L's hand around his.

"I'm glad I don't have to wear the handcuffs anymore," Light sighed. It wasn't a subject that he thought was worth mentioning - he just wanted to hear L's voice in reply. After all that time, even though they were rivals to start with, even though L had strangled and scratched and bruised his body, he couldn't associate the black-haired boy with anything other than comfort anymore. Besides, that rivalry was surely gone… for the most part.

It was going to be a challenge for Light to resist thinking about why L had displayed so much aggression the last time they had sex. Maybe the boy had just been tearing the last anger, the last fury, the last bit of desperation for justice out of his system. The last punishment he'd inflict on Light for being Kira.

Light suddenly realized that L hadn't said anything in response to him. "L?"

The older boy rested his head on Light's shoulder. "Light, _I_ did it," he said in a soft voice.

Light furrowed his eyebrows, confused by the guilt lining L's voice. "Did what?" He asked cautiously.

He felt L cup his hand around Light's ear to whisper into it. "I took the notebook from Misa… but I didn't give it to Teru Mikami. I decided that the situation would be more controllable if I kept the Death Note for myself. And that way, the task force won't be suspicious of it either."

Light's eyes widened behind the blindfold. "You…?!"

The brown-haired boy imagined the first time he'd spoken to L. It was the acceptance ceremony for To-Oh University. He felt the same anticipation that had overwhelmed him when L leaned over to whisper over his shoulder. He remembered the words, _'I'm L.'_

"I have something to tell you." L took his time to speak as Light snapped back to reality, waiting to hear the words. He never thought this would be happening. Never thought this would be real.

"D-don't say it, L. You shouldn't say it out l-"

" _I'm Kira_."

-XXX-

They walked into the HQ slowly. L's hand rested innocently on L's shoulder again to guide him, and he didn't take his blindfold off until they were in the elevator. When Light looked around, it was just him, L, and Watari, who he assumed must've been driving.

"Your hair hasn't been brushed in so long," L commented, running his fingers through it amorously. "It's greasy."

Light smacked his hand lightly and motioned with his head toward Watari, a serious expression on his face.

L stopped, but didn't look concerned in the slightest. Light considered that L may have told the man everything, and decided to ask about it later. As of now though, he had much bigger things to worry about. The elevator was almost to their destination. Any second now, the doors would open and he'd have to explain everything-

"Wait! Ryuzaki!"

The boy was looking down at the floor, hunched over as usual, when his eyes darted back to Light. "Hm?"

Light pulled on his shirt collar, showing a better view of the hickey trailing up his neck. Not to mention the marks made by L's hands. And if his father was to insist that Light take off his shirt for a better view of the damage… he'd find a messy array of red scratchmarks sprawled across his back and chest. Light couldn't see them, but he was sure as hell starting to feel them.

L tugged at his lip, eyes wandering away from Light and up to the ceiling casually. "Hmm…"

"Wait, you're only just thinking of this now?" Light hissed quietly.

"Don't worry, Light," L sighed. "Here's the story: you refused to admit that you were Kira and I got carried away trying to get the information from you. You could've held yourself up in the fight, but you were handcuffed, so it really wasn't fair of me."

"No, that puts all the blame on you," Light shook his head. "Say that I-"

"There's no point in sacrificing your innocence right now, while you need to be trusted," L interjected. "Unless you'd like me to have to send you back to that cell, we'll have to tell the story my way."

Light sighed, but knew that L was right. He lowered his voice to barely a whisper. "One problem still stands: what will happen to their trust in you? Especially under the… new arrangement. You need it more than I do."

The elevator sang a cheerful tone and the doors started to open. L just gave Light a small grin and mouthed, 'I'll be fine.'

_'There he is - the true L,'_ Light thought to himself as they slowly stepped into the room where his father and the other agents waited. _'Always putting his life on the line to further his goal. But… what a pointless way to live.'_

The first thing Mr. Yagami did when the two came into view was hug his son. He sprinted over to Light and squeezed him tightly. The boy winced - his whole body was hurting but he didn't let himself make any sound. That would worsen the situation. "H-hey dad," he smiled, hoping his father would pass the shaky tone off as a reaction to seeing his father after so long.

"Hi, Light," his father smiled. "Are you okay?" He pulled away and pushed Light's chin up slightly to inspect the damage. "It looks even worse in person… how did this happen?"

"It was a strategy that got out of hand. I was trying to get him to confess, when as it turns out, he had nothing to confess for." L shook his head slightly. "It was my mistake."

"You bet it was your mistake, Ryuzaki," the man spat viciously.

"Dad, it's okay," Light said calmly, "I already forgave him. I'm trying to have a clean slate now that the suspicion of being Kira is finally off my shoulders."

Mr. Yagami raised an eyebrow. "Really? Is he just threatening you to say that?" He threw another venomous glare in L's direction.

L shook his head. "Of course not, Mr. Yagami. He's no longer of use as a suspect anyway so there's no reason for me to want anything from him other than help on the Kira investigation."

The man's eyes narrowed just a bit more. "I'm still having trouble trusting you."

He turned back to Light. "Son, you and Ryuzaki are only going to talk when necessary, understand? I don't want you hanging out with him."

Light sighed. "Dad, it's really okay now-"

"No, it's not!" He shook his head. "If I see one more bruise, I'm going to have to figure out how to completely make you two operate separately."

L's eyes widened slightly, "That would be extremely detrimental to the case."

"My decision isn't changing. I've laid down my rules and I expect Light to follow them. Ryuzaki, if you so much as look at my son wrong, I'll…" He took a deep breath. "Just don't push your limits."

L went back to his stoic face. "I won't. In fact, I have a lot of work to do now that we're out of leads, so I'll be at my computer." With that, he sauntered away at his usual lethargic pace.

Light looked back at his father, not sure what to say. He made sure to follow L's strategy and keep his innocent face on. The most strategic thing to do would probably be to want to go home. After all, he decided he should see his mother and Sayu. "Dad, can I go home?"

His father nodded. "I'm sure that'll be fine. I'll call you if we-"

"No, Light Yagami cannot leave yet," L called all the way from his desk chair.

"He's probably exhausted and he needs a shower, Ryuzaki," Light's dad muttered. "I'm sending him home. See you at dinner, Light."

L spun around in his chair to face them. "Wouldn't Light at least prefer to shower and get some new clothes? He wouldn't want his mother and sister to question his cover story for being gone so long. It wouldn't be realistic to come back looking like he'd been sleeping on the street."

"Oh, yeah, I'd better do that," Light nodded, brushing past his dad toward the elevator.

Soichiro Yagami couldn't argue with that point. "...Alright, fine. But go home straight afterward."

"Got it, Dad."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to apologize for this update being ridiculously late compared to the others. My laptop's still broken and it's very hard to find time to write now. I have a feeling it should be fixed within the next couple of days though, so I'm hoping that everything will smooth out soon. After that, story updates will be more common again.

**One Hour Earlier**

Watari heard the boy coming. It was quiet with only the sound of worn-in sneakers padding down the hallway. The older man turned around in his desk chair, tearing his eyes away from the rows and rows of computer screens. His gaze came to rest on the detective.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

L was looking down at the floor, as if he was unsure about having come. He had one hand in his pocket and his other raised up to his face, the tip of his thumb in his mouth. "I have to tell you something."

The man nodded slightly. "Go right ahead."

L walked farther into the room and pulled up a chair next to Watari. He climbed into it and hugged his knees. "I have a confession to make."

Watari waited patiently.

The detective was looking down at his feet as he fidgeted his toes. "Watari, I'm attracted to men."

The man across from him was silent for a moment. "...You know that doesn't change the way I look at you. It doesn't really matter at all, in fact. We all are who we are."

L continued to stare down at his toes. "Thank you… that isn't all, though."

"Okay." Watari folded his hands on his lap, listening.

"The truth is… I care about Light Yagami as more than a friend. I believe that… I'm in love with him."

Watari was quiet again. He couldn't seem to think of a response.

"I know… it's…" L shook his head. "But he feels the same way about me." He finally broke his gaze away from his own feet to look up at Watari. "This probably sounds… unprofessional. But, it's just the way it is."

Watari watched him indifferently for another moment before breaking out into a small smile. He wrapped his arms around the younger one in a tight hug. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me this."

"It seemed necessary," L shrugged, hesitating for a second before returning the hug.

"Does it worry you that this could compromise the investigation, though?" The inventor asked.

L shook his head, choosing his next words carefully. "If Light Yagami was truly evil, in his heart… then I know I would never be able to love him."

Watari smiled. "Well, what's your next move on the case then?"

L smiled as well. "I've already cleared it with the rest of the team. I'm going to free Light Yagami from his cell."

-XXX-

Light was finally home. He'd already gone through the reunion stage with his mom and sister, and was sitting in his room at his desk.

He felt incredibly lonely. More so than even when he was left in the prison cell for three days. Everything just felt wrong, and for the second time, he didn't know when he'd see L again. The worst part was that he didn't even get to tell L goodbye.

He imagined himself months before, sitting at the desk writing name after name after name in the Death Note. It felt like such a distant memory, even though it hadn't been very long ago at all. And now, he didn't even have that damned notebook anymore.

"L Lawliet…" he mumbled the name. It felt so weird to say aloud, the forbidden syllables hanging in the open air. "L Lawliet," he said again, a little louder this time, half-wishing the detective would answer his call.

"Hey." A voice shook him from his thoughts, so hard that he jumped a little. It was a familiar, brawny tone.

He turned around to see exactly who he was expecting - and who he'd completely forgotten about over time. "...Ryuk."

The Shinigami smiled at him, floating in the air. "Long time no see, right?"

"Where have you been?" Light asked, dazed and (quite frankly) a little embarrassed that the death god had heard him talking to himself.

"I've been around," the Shinigami answered with a shrug. "I just haven't really been making myself known because I wanted to sit back and watch the show. It's getting… pretty weird," he laughed.

Light scrunched up his face in disgust. "What have you seen?!"

"Relax, relax, I always leave before it gets _too_ weird. But I know you and L have a… special relationship." He laughed again, louder this time.

"Oh, shut up, Shinigami." Light crossed his arms, squeezing his eyes shut with embarrassment. "L and I… we… I don't know."

"I get it, I get it." Ryuk folded his hands behind his head. "You're just super gay for him. You love him soooo much. You want to touch his-"

"Ugh!" Light threw his hands up in exasperation. "Would you stop! I… I do love him. And I can't stand it right now, because my dad doesn't want me to see him."

"Yeah, I know, I saw the dramatic scene." Ryuk waved it off casually.

Light turned back to his desk. "...I don't even have a picture of him."

"Well, just sneak out of the house and meet up with him," Ryuk shrugged. "Isn't that what teenagers do?"

"I'm not a teenager," Light growled. "And L definitely isn't."

"Ooh, even better!" Ryuk mocked, snickering. "A secret rendezvous with an older man… every teenager's dream!"

Light slammed his hands against the surface of his desk. "Don't make fun of me!"

Ryuk chuckled again. "Aw, c'mon, Light. You know I'm just joking."

Light looked down at his phone. Admittedly though, it wasn't a bad idea… to just sneak out of the house with L…

He didn't even have the detective's number though.

As if on queue, the computer screen lit up. It showed a large calligraphic L over a white background. "Light," came the synthetic voice, "are you there?"

"Yeah, yes I'm here!" Light said, immediately reminding himself to calm his voice down before he sounded too enthusiastic.

"Good. I failed to establish any proper form of contact with you before you left." In mid-sentence, the voice changed from synthetic to L's real voice. The fancy L faded out and showed a webcam projection. L was sitting against the headboard of the bed they used to sleep in, laptop sitting in front of him. He smiled slightly, rubbing one of his big, tired eyes.

Light smiled back.

"Gaaaayyyy," Ryuk called out in the background.

Light grabbed a graphing calculator from his desk and threw it at the Shinigami. It went right through Ryuk and hit the back wall, falling onto his bed.

"Is that the shinigami in the background?" L asked, leaning forward a bit.

Light nodded with a sigh. "He just kind of appeared. I completely forgot about him, honestly."

"It's a shame," L sighed. "I was hoping to talk to you in confidence."

Light looked over his shoulder at the death god. "Well, from what I just heard, we've never been talking in confidence since the beginning. Ryuk claims to have been watching and hearing everything."

L cocked his head to the side. "Everything?"

Ryuk shook his head quickly. "Like I explained to Light, don't think I've been snooping around during… all the super gay stuff. I've just been watching the story unfold. I've never seen either one of you without clothes on."

L shrugged. "I wouldn't really mind, but I imagine Light would, so that's a good thing."

Light rolled his eyes. "Well, anyway, what was it that you wanted to say?" He crossed his arms and rested them on the desk as he leaned in toward the screen.

"I'll call you back to the headquarters tomorrow with some new evidence to the Kira investigation," L said. "Your father can't stand in between us if I need to speak to you about official business."

"Well, he could put up a pretty big fight," Light sighed. "What evidence are you going to use? If you… I mean… you're going to have to come up with something fake. Are you really okay with… leading the investigation on through a futile effort?"

L was silent for a moment. "I know, it doesn't seem worth anyone's time. Maybe I should disband the team."

"There's no way they'll leave with the case still unsolved," Light shook his head.

"Really screwed up now, haven't ya?" Ryuk commented, "it sounds like L is stooping as low as Light - searching for Kira while he _is_ him. What's the point? Why abandon your original goal so fast?"

L looked down at his keyboard. Light could see the guilt in his eyes.

"Ryuk," Light seethed, "stop talking." He turned back to L. "Give me the book back and make a fake to keep at the headquarters. I'll take the responsibility back and everything will be back to normal."

L ran a hand through his hair. "Does it really matter who does it? I've already used it once, I'm just as evil as-"

"As me?" Light interrupted.

There was a silence.

"I'm not a villain," Light said seriously. "I'm going to be a god. I'll bring peace."

L stared at the screen stoically. He looked frozen in place. "...I…"

"B-but now that you've joined me, we're going to be gods _together_ ," Light added. "We'll rule the world. This is _real_ justice. Raw, dirty, necessary justice. It's just the way we have to do it if we truly want to make a difference in the world. Humanity _needs_ Kira."

L closed his eyes slowly. Light watched his chest rise and fall as the detective took a few breaths. "...I need to think this through." He shut the laptop and the camera shut off, returning the screen to a calligraphic L.

"Wait, you didn't even give me a number to contact you with-" but Light was cut off as the L disappeared too, leaving only his desktop background behind.

Kira slumped back in his chair.

"You really need to word things more carefully," Ryuk sighed. "You keep scaring him away with the Kira talk."

Light looked up at the ceiling. "I'm probably doing more harm for him than good. I think he wishes he never had to get involved with Kira. None of this would've been an issue if I'd just kept saying I wasn't Kira, to protect him."

Ryuk rolled his eyes. "Even Shinigami know you can't build a relationship on lies."

Light looked over his shoulder at the death god. "...What if… this relationship can't be built at all?"

Ryuk shrugged his shoulders.

Light stared up at the ceiling and sighed.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the accidental hiatus! I'll try to update semi-regularly again.

L set the laptop down on the bedside table and buried his face in his knees. He couldn't tell right from wrong anymore. If he loved Light enough, did it justify being Kira? Of course not. So… had he done the wrong thing from the moment he wrote a name in that Death Note? Should he really be offering so much to Kira in the first place? Who was he, the World's Greatest Detective, to fall for the most dangerous criminal in the world?

_'...I don't want to be the God of a world living in fear,'_ he thought to himself. _'I want to save them from it.'_

What had he told Naomi Misora, years ago on the Los Angeles BB Murder Cases, when asked about what justice meant to him?

_'Kindness,'_ he'd responded. _'Kindness.'_

What he was doing now couldn't possibly be anything short of selfish. After all, it was only happiness for him and Light, and with everyone else living in fear of the case he couldn't solve… there was no way L could be happy either.

He grabbed his laptop and ripped the lid open again. He sent another call to Light.

-XXX-

"Hey, quit moping." Ryuk motioned to the laptop. "He's calling you back."

Light looked up to see that the L had reappeared on the screen. The white background faded out and it became another camera feed of the detective. "Light, we have to sort something out."

"Yeah?" Light asked, waiting for the elaboration.

"I care about you… more than anyone else individually, but not more than the world collectively. I've killed people to clear your name, but I can't do it anymore."

"Like I said," Light explained, "if you give me back the Death Note, I'll just-"

"No," L shook his head. "I can't. If I pass that off to you, thousands - hundreds of thousands more will die. That's not justice, Light. It's murder. I don't want to be a god of death alongside you and the Shinigami."

Light was taken aback, even though he'd been mostly expecting this. "...well… what do you think is the next course of action, then?"

L grabbed something from a drawer and held up the notebook for Light to see. "I'll send this to Teru Mikami. Slowly, I'll let the investigation lead to him, and when he's arrested, I'll make sure the murders stop. Then, it'll all be over."

Light hit his hands against the desk for the second time that night. "No! L, you can't! You'll be ruining _everything!_ "

L shook his head. "No, I'll be fixing it."

"Why?!" Light asked, horrified. "I thought you loved me! Why would you ruin my life?!"

"Ruin your life?" L looked down at the notebook. "It's so sad that you consider a killer notebook to be your entire life." It looked like it was hurting the detective to say those things, but he didn't stop himself from saying it anyway. "Light, I cannot be a murderer with you. I'm a bringer of justice."

Light banged his fists on the desk. "Dammit, L! Fucking dammit!"

"Justice will prevail."

There was a silence between the two. All that could be heard was the blankets of L's bed shuffling underneath him, and Light's heavy breathing.

"No," Kira shook his head slowly. " _My_ justice will prevail. Yours is useless."

"Mine is kindness. Yours is evil."

"So what does this mean then?! You're breaking off… whatever it is that we had?! Our relationship, over a video call?!" Light was looking for any reason - any reason at all to make L feel bad for what he'd done. This was unacceptable. And after all the trust they'd put in each other.

"Would you like me to come over there?" L asked, as if he was actually considering the thought.

Light's breathing hitched. "...Wait, yes."

"And what will you tell your mom and sister? They're going to be wondering why you're getting a visitor at this time of night. It seems like a far-fetched idea-"

"Just get Watari to drop you off a street away from my house. I'll open my window. You can sneak in."

L's expressionless face showed a twinge of shock. "Are you serious, Light?"

"Yes. Bring the book."

L's eyelids drooped, unimpressed. "Obviously, I can't do that."

Light balled his hands into fists so tight that they shook slightly. "...If you bring it, I'll relinquish ownership of it. I'll forget everything. I won't be a murderer anymore."

L hesitated to respond, chewing on his thumb nail. "...How do I know you're not lying, planning to steal it from me?"

"You don't. But it's the only chance you have of ever being able to love me, isn't it?"

L shook his head. "I'll… love you either way. But I can't be with you if you're a killer."

Light's chest swelled with guilt over the plan that was beginning to brew in his mind. "Then this is the only chance you have of being with me. How's that? I feel like it'll be worth the risk to you."

There was a loud snapping noise as L broke the tip of his nail with his teeth. "...I'll be over in twenty minutes... I hope you know what you're doing, Light Yagami." His eyes narrowed a bit before he shut off the second video call.

Light spun around in his desk chair until his back was to the computer screen and he was facing Ryuk. He ran his hands through his hair.

"What're you planning to do?" The Shinigami asked curiously.

Light opened his mouth to explain, but his breath caught in his throat. He felt tears welling up behind his eyes and covered his face before Ryuk could see it.

Ryuk didn't know what to do, so he just waited until Light could form coherent words again. The boy's chest moved up and down with every silent sob. He couldn't stop it. He thought that at this point in time, his emotions would be completely frozen over by lust for success, but… L was still his soft spot. Love was still his weakpoint.

"...Just wait, Ryuk…" He choked, "I'll be the god of the new world… as soon as I make this sacrifice."

-XXX-

L's timing was spot on. It had been twenty minutes on the dot when Light heard someone tap at his window. Not really sure how L had climbed up to the roof so effortlessly, he pulled the curtain aside slowly. The boy wasn't really sure if he was ready to see his lover's face again. Especially now that he had a horrible plan in action.

Despite everything, L gave him a small grin through the glass. Little droplets of rain covered the window, sticking to the top layer of the detective's hair like a layer of morning dew on grass. L's hands were empty, so he must've been hiding the notebook on his person somewhere.

Light threw the window open. "Hey. Sorry if you had to walk through the rain."

"That's okay. It's hardly raining at all, really. I'm not even very wet." L climbed into the room and stuck his hands in his pockets. "...You have a nice bedroom."

Light rolled his eyes. "You say that as if you haven't seen it through security cameras before."

"It's different in person." L walked over to the desk chair and sat down. "It's much more like a home."

Ryuk was floating above the bed, looking down at L expressionlessly. The detective met his gaze with an equal lack of emotion. "Hello."

"Uh, hi."

"Ryuk, can you leave us alone for an hour or so?" Light asked.

"Sure." The Shinigami flew up through the ceiling and disappeared from sight.

Light turned to L. "So, about the-"

He was cut off by a kiss. L practically threw himself toward Kira, tackling Light with so much force that they both fell back onto the bed. L grabbed a fistful of Light's shirt and another of his hair, and pushed his tongue into the younger's mouth. It felt like a mix between anger, cold desperation, and pain, but at the same time it also felt hot and passionate, like love.

Light kissed back, working his hands over L's face, through his hair, across his neck, soaking up every bit of the detective that he could before his plan ran its course. He wondered if L knew what he was planning to do. Of course, if L really planned to rid the world of Kira, he couldn't be expecting what was to come. But, then again, he may simply be one step ahead of Light, planning some sort of counter strike.

Either way, the passion of the moment wasn't about to end. When they pulled apart for air, Light took that as his moment to grab L's body and push him off. He climbed on top of the detective and pulled up his shirt. L let him take it off and throw it to the floor before Light went to work on his lover's neck. They weren't gentle kisses, they were bites - each leaving its own red mark on L's pale skin. The black-haired one closed his eyes and tilted his head back against the pillow, letting out little gasps and noises that excited Light to no end.

"...W-we really should be getting down to business," the detective stuttered.

"In a minute," Light huffed, "besides, you brought this upon yourself."

"Do you need Ryuk to be there when you forfeit ownership of the notebook?" L asked, eyes still shut. Light's hands were sliding across his bare chest now.

"Yes."

"Then why'd you send him away?"

"Just…" Light paused for a moment, "let me have a moment before everything is ruined."

"Ruined…" L repeated the word as Light undid the zipper of the other's pants. "Do you really value me more than your concept of justice?"

Light threw the baggy jeans onto the floor, leaving L in his underwear. "Well, clearly you don't value me over your concept of justice."

"That isn't the answer to my question."

Light straddled the other and stared down into those dark eyes. They were emotionless, waiting. Even a little bit taunting.

He punched the detective. Right in the face. L had no way to dodge, nowhere to flinch or duck to, so he took the hit. The side of his cheek was thrown into the pillow and he held his face with one hand as it started to take on a reddish hue. That was definitely going to bruise.

"Obviously I do, Ryuzaki! I wouldn't be forfeiting ownership of the Death Note otherwise!" Light said angrily. He would've yelled, but he didn't want his mother and sister to be suspicious that he had someone else in his room.

"Why does it hurt you so much to say that?" L asked.

"Because I'm giving up my life's purpose for you, goddammit!" Light had to hold back tears again, praying internally that he'd be able to keep them from falling this time. He didn't want to cry in front of L - not only his lover, but his rival too.

The reality was actually a flipped version of what Light had said. He was giving up L for his life's purpose, not his life's purpose for L. Either way, it hurt the same, and the guilt in his chest was beginning to rip its way out.

L didn't provide him any comfort. He just watched with a suspicious expression on his face. "Just earlier tonight you were boasting about ruling the world with me. And now you're giving it up?"

"Well you didn't come back with many options!" Light replied. "I don't have the Death Note right now. You do. So even if we separated, I wouldn't be able to carry out my plans. If I can't have the Death Note either way, I might as well have you."

L nodded slightly. "...Are you okay?"

Light nodded, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. "I'm fine. Let's get back to what we were doing before Ryuk comes back."

L nodded again, his gaze not leaving Light's as if he was still a bit suspicious. But he settled back down nonetheless.

Light was still sitting up, looking down at the detective as he unbuttoned his shirt. The bites he'd made earlier were already turning purple on his lover's skin, as well as a considerable amount of L's cheek. It looked pretty painful, but he didn't apologize. In some ways, he was angry at him for this - after all, it was L's fault that he'd been pushed to make this choice in the first place.

The guilt was just as powerful as the anger, though.

So he pushed the guilt down and pulled the anger up. He reminded himself that L was the reason this was happening. L was taking himself away from Light… whether or not he realized it.

He threw the shirt aside and leaned back down. L winced as Light made another bite, just above his collarbone. A drop of dark blood traveled down the curvature of his neck, staining the white pillow beneath him.

Light didn't apologize for that either. His hands traveled down to L's underwear and he hooked his fingers around the waistband. He gave a quick glance at L's face before he pulled it down.

The detective's eyes were closed. He looked uncomfortable. If Light didn't know any better, he would've almost thought that it was a look of fear. Or sadness, for that matter.

"What's wrong?" He asked.

"Nothing."


End file.
